I've spent alot of time reflecting this month, it's something I've always done at the end of a year but this one seems rather surreal. Usually I am run into the ground having completed a season with Northern Ballet. Their run up to Christmas is manic and the atmosphere of needing a break spreads the company like wild fire. I have been missing them, being in a theatre embellishes my theatrical side without the nervousness of being on stage. Although many theatres are absolute dives they have a sense of excitement as the dancers prepare to go on stage. Working in this environment is grotty and tough with very little natural light but it had a sense of being part of something special. I miss my dancers, their innocent faces and entertaining chat. Many have visited and made me feel missed, Christmas is a funny time and even though i am rarely amongst the madness of it all I am hearing about it, these days social networking doesn't allow you to miss a trick!
About 4 years ago I made the decision to not go back 'home' to my folks for Christmas. It made me feel like I was left on the shelf and sink into a self pitying food gorging slump with the rest of them. The first year I chose to spend it with some wonderful friends who have always made me feel like part of theirs, coincidentally I met D just before it so also had the luxury of seeing him later in the day. Now D and I have the day we always hankered after. We do what we want, drink what we fancy and go to the pub if we want to. We don't follow any tradition, we just do what we want when we want to. This is kind of enabled by the fact neither of us live anywhere near our families. Yesterday I started reflecting though thatca year ago we were rolling out the Christmas Market full of beer and mulled wine, I remember this well as my first nephew was born during a booze fuelled sleep after which I woke in the middle of the night to messages of impatience to announce his arrival. I woke D to announce he was an Uncle and he was to share a bottle of port to celebrate, during which I booked the red eye to fit in meeting him before Christmas was upon us. Half cut and full of excitement after 2 hours sleep I travelled to Manchester airport 50 miles away to be told the Guernsey flight was cancelled due to a light smattering of snow.
Strangely being in this position this year leads to more and more comparisons to what I was like before. This year I have missed most the Christmas madness (jel?) mainly due to claustrophobia in shops and the brace making me incapable of facing the hoards of shoppers. But it also means no eating out, no Christmas parties or drinks out. I will face my Christmas dinner either out my brace sat up for my allocated 40 mins or spoon fed by my patient hubby to be. That all sounds so victimus but that's how it feels some of the time. What I will have to remember is one of the things that has got me through this whole period, is that I was asked to be someone's bride this year and next I will be one. My amazing Aunt reminds me of my impending wedding to keep me focused and it is one hell of a goal as the dress is ordered and the dreaded list done in 10 minutes. It will be a miracle that I am fit to bursting about. So when everyone is making the olde resolution list I will have more of a miracle list - to walk down the aisle unaided! Put that in your stocking!
Bah humbug
Hbombotx
Monday, 19 December 2011
Wednesday, 14 December 2011
Bite sized chunks...
Speaking to a Physio friend of mine today made me appreciate how difficult it is to take an objective view of yourself. As a soft tissue therapist I should surely be able to assess myself but it really does get taken over by emotion, pain and fear. All of these things cloud our judgement leading us to an obscured view of ourselves.
So when my friend said all you have to remember is bones take 8 weeks and soft tissue up to 12 that's what I need to take forward. I keep getting told my job at the moment is to recover, I hadn't quite got my head round that til now as resting to me equals boredom. Doing something so focused on myself also feels selfish. I'm used to doing things for others, thinking of others and even my work revolves round others so focusing on me is an alien prospect.
The reason for having made no entries to this blog for weeks is my inability to cope with the world and people of late. Having almost passed through this time on a bit of a high surrounded by some kind of invincible cloak last week I crashed and burned. After spending 2 days crying at anything nice, people talking about the future and anything at all with any complexity, I have come out the other side feeling like me again. People often say your state in life is reflective in your hair colour. Well last year when I wonderfully colourful and ginger friend freakishly died I changed my hair colour more than anyone I've known. Going from blonde to bright red then pink to black to brown then red again back to blonde you'd have thought something was very wrong. A nosey outspoken colleague barked at me in the lift once "are you going through a crisis?", I should have dumbfounded her with the freakish truth that my amazing zest for life friend taken from this earth far too early had such a sod it attitude I was vicariously living my hair for him. I never really understood this at the time but I did take on a rather sod you kind of attitude, a little like straight after my time post accident.
Now that I've come back down to earth, have a conscience and feel more natural my hair has been returned to the closest it's been to its natural colour. My hair is rarely washed and managing very nicely apart from the rootage so all it needed was a wash in dye that won't have chance really to wash out. Back am I to au naturalle and it's starting to oh so slowly feel good.
Lots of love
Hbombotx
So when my friend said all you have to remember is bones take 8 weeks and soft tissue up to 12 that's what I need to take forward. I keep getting told my job at the moment is to recover, I hadn't quite got my head round that til now as resting to me equals boredom. Doing something so focused on myself also feels selfish. I'm used to doing things for others, thinking of others and even my work revolves round others so focusing on me is an alien prospect.
The reason for having made no entries to this blog for weeks is my inability to cope with the world and people of late. Having almost passed through this time on a bit of a high surrounded by some kind of invincible cloak last week I crashed and burned. After spending 2 days crying at anything nice, people talking about the future and anything at all with any complexity, I have come out the other side feeling like me again. People often say your state in life is reflective in your hair colour. Well last year when I wonderfully colourful and ginger friend freakishly died I changed my hair colour more than anyone I've known. Going from blonde to bright red then pink to black to brown then red again back to blonde you'd have thought something was very wrong. A nosey outspoken colleague barked at me in the lift once "are you going through a crisis?", I should have dumbfounded her with the freakish truth that my amazing zest for life friend taken from this earth far too early had such a sod it attitude I was vicariously living my hair for him. I never really understood this at the time but I did take on a rather sod you kind of attitude, a little like straight after my time post accident.
Now that I've come back down to earth, have a conscience and feel more natural my hair has been returned to the closest it's been to its natural colour. My hair is rarely washed and managing very nicely apart from the rootage so all it needed was a wash in dye that won't have chance really to wash out. Back am I to au naturalle and it's starting to oh so slowly feel good.
Lots of love
Hbombotx
Tuesday, 29 November 2011
Check up chuck up...
Today was the first time that my back progress was checked since I left the hospital 4 weeks ago. Having had standing x-rays as an in-patient I wasn't daunted by the process. Obviously sitting around amongst the public is sometimes the biggest headache due to comments like "you don't sleep in that do you?" or "that can't be as uncomfortable as it looks". They are only things I'd probably say myself but it doesn't amuse me. I have started making up stories about how I had an accident, today's involved a hot air balloon. Having always had about as much patience as a small child at Christmas I answered my surgeon saying he'd told me I wasn't going to like him with I don't like many people. Don't get me wrong I like my own people, it's just people in general I don't have any patience with, along with their stupid comments.
Unfortunately as at most of the big points in this process I had a reaction to today's adventure ending up fainting and blacking out for 10 seconds. Not nice for D who had to fan me with a sick bucket along with Fraser the x-ray guy (only in the NHS!). This was all due to taking the brace off to have said x-rays which my body didn't adapt too well to. Who'd have thought looking back at 6 weeks ago when I couldn't bare more than minutes in the brace that now I can't bare minutes out of it! All I know is the body is such a funny thing and what you get used to even funnier. After a man holding my knees face had disappeared then started to come back into focus I was left with the usual delight of being wet through with sweat. My temperature regulation has taken a battering as I find hospitals (with the exception of airports), the hottest places on earth so to suddenly be cold with sweat is quite an odd sensation.
Over the next 6 weeks I am to wean myself off the brace, spending short periods out of it so as to get the muscles working independently. Who'd have thought my security blanket was the contraption that I detested at first so to slowly get used to not wearing it seems bizarre but then like this whole experience is teaching me we take comfort often in the strangest of things...
Here's to the next 6 weeks.
Much love
Hbombotx
Unfortunately as at most of the big points in this process I had a reaction to today's adventure ending up fainting and blacking out for 10 seconds. Not nice for D who had to fan me with a sick bucket along with Fraser the x-ray guy (only in the NHS!). This was all due to taking the brace off to have said x-rays which my body didn't adapt too well to. Who'd have thought looking back at 6 weeks ago when I couldn't bare more than minutes in the brace that now I can't bare minutes out of it! All I know is the body is such a funny thing and what you get used to even funnier. After a man holding my knees face had disappeared then started to come back into focus I was left with the usual delight of being wet through with sweat. My temperature regulation has taken a battering as I find hospitals (with the exception of airports), the hottest places on earth so to suddenly be cold with sweat is quite an odd sensation.
Over the next 6 weeks I am to wean myself off the brace, spending short periods out of it so as to get the muscles working independently. Who'd have thought my security blanket was the contraption that I detested at first so to slowly get used to not wearing it seems bizarre but then like this whole experience is teaching me we take comfort often in the strangest of things...
Here's to the next 6 weeks.
Much love
Hbombotx
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
What does an accident teach you?
It's often the case when you look back after an accident you question everything. What you felt at the time, what you should have done and what happened around you. My memory of Frank's laugh (it must have looked impressive) is as clear as day, the pain I felt is off the scale but my stubbornness was too strong to give in to it. I have always been fascinated by how the psychological impacts on the physical, never more so than with an injury or an illness. A few weeks before I'd watched a programme about getting beyond pain with a lady breaking her lower leg then walking with no pain. Strangely the ballet company I work with cropped up as an example of dancing through pain and how used to it we get.
At the time I can only say I was experiencing ridiculous amounts of pain but now the swelling has gone down being able to feel my spine freaks me out. At night when the brace is off my back sinks into the mattress with every vertebrae. I know this should be seen as progress but all it does is remind me how each break feels as I will myself to sleep. Now the body settles down and I calm down mentally it feels slightly like I've done so with a bang. My excited state in hospital has come down to a bit of a lull, one where I wonder how fun I am to be around. But as if that's what people are coming for! Ever the entertainer in me has always wanted to be exciting to be around and I guess I don't feel in that place now. What I do feel though is I'm spending quality time with quality people and that's one thing I've learnt is how quality should be over quantity.
The other things I've learnt:
To give in to not being in control - of work, of food, of your bodily functions.
To accept help and ask for it.
To adapt and not get offended.
To give up wanting to get comfy as others look as it doesn't feel the
same in a plastic velcro brace.
To appreciate those that do not focusing out those that do not.
Accept the things you cannot change.
Hbombotx
At the time I can only say I was experiencing ridiculous amounts of pain but now the swelling has gone down being able to feel my spine freaks me out. At night when the brace is off my back sinks into the mattress with every vertebrae. I know this should be seen as progress but all it does is remind me how each break feels as I will myself to sleep. Now the body settles down and I calm down mentally it feels slightly like I've done so with a bang. My excited state in hospital has come down to a bit of a lull, one where I wonder how fun I am to be around. But as if that's what people are coming for! Ever the entertainer in me has always wanted to be exciting to be around and I guess I don't feel in that place now. What I do feel though is I'm spending quality time with quality people and that's one thing I've learnt is how quality should be over quantity.
The other things I've learnt:
To give in to not being in control - of work, of food, of your bodily functions.
To accept help and ask for it.
To adapt and not get offended.
To give up wanting to get comfy as others look as it doesn't feel the
same in a plastic velcro brace.
To appreciate those that do not focusing out those that do not.
Accept the things you cannot change.
Hbombotx
Monday, 21 November 2011
Massage and surprise visitor...
Today my amazing yoga teacher and friend Nichi is coming to do some massage. Working in massage you often forget the importance of getting treated yourself, always much needed to remind yourself of how it feels and also to maintain a healthy body. She is doing it to treat me by indulging myself and I can't wait.
The other lovely thing that happened today was a friend I haven't seen for years as we use to work together dropped in. We'd been in touch since I started blogging as she was so shocked by my accident, like many were but we'd had a couple of email exchanges since catching up with how both our lives have changed. Sometimes when someone re-appears in your life it is so familiar and you just slip back into your friendship. To see Jane this morning made my day. She had imagined me lying in bed almost in traction so her shock at seeing me up and about was so refreshing. I couldn't stop hugging her as if she wasn't real but then that's how it feels when you're genuinely shocked to see someone. We had such a laugh in that crazy office and she was the easiest person to work and socialise with, to see her happy and know about her new life living on a farm was about as big a change as i've been through setting up my own business then breaking myself.
So just having a rest until the lushiousness of my massage.
Hope you're looking forward to something good today planned or a surprise.
Hbombotx
The other lovely thing that happened today was a friend I haven't seen for years as we use to work together dropped in. We'd been in touch since I started blogging as she was so shocked by my accident, like many were but we'd had a couple of email exchanges since catching up with how both our lives have changed. Sometimes when someone re-appears in your life it is so familiar and you just slip back into your friendship. To see Jane this morning made my day. She had imagined me lying in bed almost in traction so her shock at seeing me up and about was so refreshing. I couldn't stop hugging her as if she wasn't real but then that's how it feels when you're genuinely shocked to see someone. We had such a laugh in that crazy office and she was the easiest person to work and socialise with, to see her happy and know about her new life living on a farm was about as big a change as i've been through setting up my own business then breaking myself.
So just having a rest until the lushiousness of my massage.
Hope you're looking forward to something good today planned or a surprise.
Hbombotx
Sunday, 20 November 2011
First shower in 5 weeks!
Who'd of thought something as simple as a shower would become quite alien when you are unable to stand up? When the surgeon told me I'd only be taking the brace off to shower i couldnt quite visualise being strong enough to hold myself up. After a week of bed rest then relatively little time on my feet for the following days the weakness in my legs and back was incredible. Having always been into sport I am used to feeling strong and this empowers me. Being weak is something I associate with being pathetic so at times in my life when I've felt like this I have beaten myself up about it.
When I mentioned showering to D he was unsure but I could tell how strong my back was as when the brace is being put on I don't need it hugging me to hold me up anymore. So I went for it. The unknown is often scary but I knew my own potential, the strangest part was how my neck felt. I'm held so straight it teaches you how bad your normal posture must be. Without the neck brace I reached up to feel my neck and was presented with a giraffe type neck. Tentatively I stepped into the shower and although you'd think I'd feel thoroughly refreshed I actually felt like I better get it over with quick as my hair had been washing itself for weeks now. Forget stepping out of the salon, all it meant was I had a fringe back after having to wear Alice bands or clips so as not to offend with my big hair. I've always had alot of hair and no more so than in hot countries where my fellow travellers call it 'holiday hair', not to be experienced by anyone other than loved ones or strangers.
So have survived the shower I am now clean and relatively well presented on this my 5th week anniversary of the accident. Having climbed a few milestones in the past few days - going outdoors, short walks with the dog and now a shower I need to start believing in my progress as lately I've forgotten how it feels to be brave. When you're just cracking on with it nothing seems like a big accomplishment but sometimes you need to take stock of how far we've come and today is one of those days...
Hbombot
When I mentioned showering to D he was unsure but I could tell how strong my back was as when the brace is being put on I don't need it hugging me to hold me up anymore. So I went for it. The unknown is often scary but I knew my own potential, the strangest part was how my neck felt. I'm held so straight it teaches you how bad your normal posture must be. Without the neck brace I reached up to feel my neck and was presented with a giraffe type neck. Tentatively I stepped into the shower and although you'd think I'd feel thoroughly refreshed I actually felt like I better get it over with quick as my hair had been washing itself for weeks now. Forget stepping out of the salon, all it meant was I had a fringe back after having to wear Alice bands or clips so as not to offend with my big hair. I've always had alot of hair and no more so than in hot countries where my fellow travellers call it 'holiday hair', not to be experienced by anyone other than loved ones or strangers.
So have survived the shower I am now clean and relatively well presented on this my 5th week anniversary of the accident. Having climbed a few milestones in the past few days - going outdoors, short walks with the dog and now a shower I need to start believing in my progress as lately I've forgotten how it feels to be brave. When you're just cracking on with it nothing seems like a big accomplishment but sometimes you need to take stock of how far we've come and today is one of those days...
Hbombot
Thursday, 17 November 2011
My first public outing
Other than going back to hospital twice I hadn't ventured out anywhere for a stroll or a wander. I guess in a hospital even the public there are used to and expecting to see ill folk. In the outside world being stared at is just par for the course but nevertheless irritating. I probably wouldn't so any different but whether it's people passing or looking from cars it's obvious they're wondering what happened or having a nosey.
I never really got the urge to go out and when others asked if I had yet I wasn't really bothered. But today in the cold sunshine was refreshing and just what I needed to brush off the cobwebs. Before the accident I would take my dog out for atleast an hour an day so it seems bizarre to firstly not go far but also not really want to. I guess that's what changes, how your head adapts to not doing alot as you've been given the boundaries to do so (or not so so!). It's amazing how your mind adapts once you've been told it's ok to do nothing or ok to limit what you are doing.
Now I think I will go start going out alone after a few more wanders with friends. I may even go with someone else walking my dog and watch him run, something that is certain to cheer me up as he bounds around the park. It's such simple things but those are the things you miss. Like my future mother-in-law who has broken her arm said the other day, it's the brushing your teeth and putting on a bra that for a while atleast will feel novel. Then we'll go back to normality and take them for granted. But I'll never forget this time because even if others don't see it, it's changed me forever as even that slight brush with 'it could have been fatal' has been enough to make me feel different.
Enjoy being different and accept the things you cannot change...
Hbombotx
I never really got the urge to go out and when others asked if I had yet I wasn't really bothered. But today in the cold sunshine was refreshing and just what I needed to brush off the cobwebs. Before the accident I would take my dog out for atleast an hour an day so it seems bizarre to firstly not go far but also not really want to. I guess that's what changes, how your head adapts to not doing alot as you've been given the boundaries to do so (or not so so!). It's amazing how your mind adapts once you've been told it's ok to do nothing or ok to limit what you are doing.
Now I think I will go start going out alone after a few more wanders with friends. I may even go with someone else walking my dog and watch him run, something that is certain to cheer me up as he bounds around the park. It's such simple things but those are the things you miss. Like my future mother-in-law who has broken her arm said the other day, it's the brushing your teeth and putting on a bra that for a while atleast will feel novel. Then we'll go back to normality and take them for granted. But I'll never forget this time because even if others don't see it, it's changed me forever as even that slight brush with 'it could have been fatal' has been enough to make me feel different.
Enjoy being different and accept the things you cannot change...
Hbombotx
Wednesday, 16 November 2011
Following on from my wanting to slouch I found myself today feeling utterly fed up. I seemed to forget that I would have my usual monthly moodiness, belatedness and painfulness. I guess when you are either so ill or in so much pain this just takes over and you expect nothing else to get in your way. This is not usually a topic readily written about and the guys reading may be squirming their way through this but it happens and as much as us women may grumble about it it's still happening. I have always thought it gets in the way. When you're doing a six hour bike ride the last thing you want to worry about is how many friggin tampax you can carry in your leggings zip pocket!
Believe me those adverts with girls singing and jumping around don't quite cut it when you're muddy and wet through huffing and puffing in the Dales. It's certainly not how I felt on the day of the accident on the first day of menstrual cycle. What I did think though was there was no way I was letting anyone change it (to then go on to having a catheter put in then removed plus having suppositories put where the sun don't shine this would have been nothing!) along with knowing I had to change it on the point of impact (not great timing). But these things are either meant to test us or just part of a natural process us ladies have to go through. I know every month I get ratty, irritable, want to clean (I know!), clumsy and want to smack someone. Apparently this doesn't change when you are sitting stiff in a brace or lay flat in bed not able to get up even if emergency calls. People have told me I need to give in to this, I need to switch off from work as I'm unable to do it and relax a bit. What I never appreciated was not being in control, this is something
I most often am and although I wouldn't say I was freakishly so I like to know what's what,
where I'm at so to speak.
So I'm sorry if today I'm not full of positive happy feelings. Today I am flat like I get every month. Just coz I can't curl up and hide from the world makes me more vulnerable this time round doesn't make it not happen just as it was going to do anyway. So even though I am being sucked in so can't feel the bloating and appear ratty due to my predicament I hope it still means it's ok to smack someone, atleast give a girl that much:
Don't blame it on the sunshine
Don't blame it on the moonlight
Don't blame it on the good times
Don't blame it on the drugs!
Hbombotx
Believe me those adverts with girls singing and jumping around don't quite cut it when you're muddy and wet through huffing and puffing in the Dales. It's certainly not how I felt on the day of the accident on the first day of menstrual cycle. What I did think though was there was no way I was letting anyone change it (to then go on to having a catheter put in then removed plus having suppositories put where the sun don't shine this would have been nothing!) along with knowing I had to change it on the point of impact (not great timing). But these things are either meant to test us or just part of a natural process us ladies have to go through. I know every month I get ratty, irritable, want to clean (I know!), clumsy and want to smack someone. Apparently this doesn't change when you are sitting stiff in a brace or lay flat in bed not able to get up even if emergency calls. People have told me I need to give in to this, I need to switch off from work as I'm unable to do it and relax a bit. What I never appreciated was not being in control, this is something
I most often am and although I wouldn't say I was freakishly so I like to know what's what,
where I'm at so to speak.
So I'm sorry if today I'm not full of positive happy feelings. Today I am flat like I get every month. Just coz I can't curl up and hide from the world makes me more vulnerable this time round doesn't make it not happen just as it was going to do anyway. So even though I am being sucked in so can't feel the bloating and appear ratty due to my predicament I hope it still means it's ok to smack someone, atleast give a girl that much:
Don't blame it on the sunshine
Don't blame it on the moonlight
Don't blame it on the good times
Don't blame it on the drugs!
Hbombotx
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
I just want to slouch!
By the end of the day I just want to slouch in this comfy chair or lie on the sofa with D or my dog or both. A few nights ago this couldn't be more apparent as I sloped off to bed early to get away from the brewing whinge. When i feel tired or sore I lay on my bed, I just did this headbutting the wall. Imagine always sitting up as straight as you can or lying in one position without moving on to your side. That pretty much encapsulates my position these days. Yeh I know it's not forever and I know I will get better but sometimes it's frustrating. Sometimes it's as irritating as an itch. Sometimes I have an itch I can't scratch. Sometimes I bang my head. Sometimes I want to stamp my feet and shout out how unfair this feels. But I seek solace in the fact this is only sometimes, I don't always feel this way and for that I gain alot of hope. I have always carried hope around like a cape and that cape you can keep on or you can take off. Most the time I keep it on but sometimes I choose to take it off and that's ok as it's going to be ok.
Hbombot
Hbombot
Monday, 14 November 2011
Observing another hospital journey...
Whilst lying there wondering if i was ready to go home I realised that others were reflecting my journey. This came to me firstly as they were annoyingly chattering about sh*t. Those who watched my first few days will tell you how I rabbited on about absolutely nothing. My family have a history of this in hospital or in fact stressful times (don't not what sister Tannwen's excuse is, ha!). It wasn't til the diary was taken away that this died down and D said you're back to you again. I can't begin to imagine how irritating and worrying this was for those visiting. To me I was just excited about seeing my loved ones plus overwhelmed emotionally by what had happened.
It wasn't until my penultimate day that Cathy rocked up next to me. I had lived the past 2 weeks with a woman in the first stages of dementia asking me constantly the same question. For this I had multiple ways of saying the same thing about what time the next meal was or how she walked to the bathroom. Ashamedly I wasn't patient or caring as I was too involved and distressed at my current position. When Cathy came I felt a sense of relief as she had a neck brace on and for a few hours I was sympathetic and reassuring. Unfortunately her chatter was anxious and although it may have been what I displayed but hers being without humour! I lost patience after being distracted from the last few days that I was determined to enjoy. I may sound cruel and dismissive but your journey in a hospital is very personal, there's alot of drama around and some people become very important. I would have done anything for Doreen who used to get out of bed to bring me juice but this was different. I'm a great believer that some people just aren't your kind of people, yes I've been proved wrong but people give me a feeling and although D thinks it hilarious we all have an aura. I don't care if it's a colour or a personality surrounding the person, it just is.
So when my ballet dancers ask what colour they are today they have often already brought it into the room, however sometimes a colour isn't great or it depends on your experience of it. D was always brown, from the moment met he felt safe and to me brought solid unchangeable strength. It brings me comfort and that's ok as whatever works for an individual is like I've said before, all gravy.
So when you see someone chattering about all sorts it's not an irritating habit, usually it's reaction to a trauma. Now go tell all your friends you can't shut up...not sure how as that includes most my best friends!
Happy Mondays
Always the start of a new plan or an adventure.
Hbombotx
It wasn't until my penultimate day that Cathy rocked up next to me. I had lived the past 2 weeks with a woman in the first stages of dementia asking me constantly the same question. For this I had multiple ways of saying the same thing about what time the next meal was or how she walked to the bathroom. Ashamedly I wasn't patient or caring as I was too involved and distressed at my current position. When Cathy came I felt a sense of relief as she had a neck brace on and for a few hours I was sympathetic and reassuring. Unfortunately her chatter was anxious and although it may have been what I displayed but hers being without humour! I lost patience after being distracted from the last few days that I was determined to enjoy. I may sound cruel and dismissive but your journey in a hospital is very personal, there's alot of drama around and some people become very important. I would have done anything for Doreen who used to get out of bed to bring me juice but this was different. I'm a great believer that some people just aren't your kind of people, yes I've been proved wrong but people give me a feeling and although D thinks it hilarious we all have an aura. I don't care if it's a colour or a personality surrounding the person, it just is.
So when my ballet dancers ask what colour they are today they have often already brought it into the room, however sometimes a colour isn't great or it depends on your experience of it. D was always brown, from the moment met he felt safe and to me brought solid unchangeable strength. It brings me comfort and that's ok as whatever works for an individual is like I've said before, all gravy.
So when you see someone chattering about all sorts it's not an irritating habit, usually it's reaction to a trauma. Now go tell all your friends you can't shut up...not sure how as that includes most my best friends!
Happy Mondays
Always the start of a new plan or an adventure.
Hbombotx
Sunday, 13 November 2011
Who'd have thought wedding makeup and dress would feel important?
Having been into booking the venue before the accident D mentioned how easy this wedding malarky was! Simple was how I always wanted it and not being a particularly conventional couple we didn't want the headache most people make. I had been pulling in creative favours from those that way inclined and for those not so it became important in hospital for them to contribute in different ways.
My Auntie Ros had always been a major influence in my life. She has been one of my closest, dearest friends since I was a teenager and sometimes it's difficult to explain just how important she is. Making you feel so loved and like there's a warmth around has always felt so comforting for me so when she offered to buy the dress I loved I was ecstatic. Not only will be feel special as it has come from her but I know when she looks at me in it she will be as proud of me as I am to wear it.
Having re-established alot of friendships after the accident a good pal from the ballet offered to do my makeup and hair. Being such a talented wigs mistress and makeup artist I was chuffed to bits and yesterday had a trial session. Dolly is someone who's so gorgeous to have around and was so enthusiastic about my progress I really loved being around her again. I'm no girly girl so was loving the simplicity of the colours.
Although my focus has changed and I have more time to finish my scrap book (Charlotte purchased this thinking I'd never fill it in!) it's still an organic process I'm still enjoying.
My middle name maybe Zillah but this isn't going to reflect in the bride!
Enjoy your day whatever you're into.
Hbombotx
My Auntie Ros had always been a major influence in my life. She has been one of my closest, dearest friends since I was a teenager and sometimes it's difficult to explain just how important she is. Making you feel so loved and like there's a warmth around has always felt so comforting for me so when she offered to buy the dress I loved I was ecstatic. Not only will be feel special as it has come from her but I know when she looks at me in it she will be as proud of me as I am to wear it.
Having re-established alot of friendships after the accident a good pal from the ballet offered to do my makeup and hair. Being such a talented wigs mistress and makeup artist I was chuffed to bits and yesterday had a trial session. Dolly is someone who's so gorgeous to have around and was so enthusiastic about my progress I really loved being around her again. I'm no girly girl so was loving the simplicity of the colours.
Although my focus has changed and I have more time to finish my scrap book (Charlotte purchased this thinking I'd never fill it in!) it's still an organic process I'm still enjoying.
My middle name maybe Zillah but this isn't going to reflect in the bride!
Enjoy your day whatever you're into.
Hbombotx
Saturday, 12 November 2011
I do yoga, I relax, I chant and I still want to smack someone!
A good friend gave me this in a card after some time in hospital:
"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens; not by what life brings us, but by what we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive events and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark, that creates extraordinary results".
She had watched and waited while others brought cards to be able to put the words in that described how I was doing. I've never been one to encourage negative thoughts. I have lived surrounded by familial depression from a young age and I think this made me try to be the other way. I have always enjoyed life and find people fascinating, if a little irritating at times! With age I have become less tolerant and as mum said yesterday sometimes a bit too honest. But this time with her had been ultimately bonding, she has told me more about my spirit and radiance than ever before. I told her she should be proud then that she made me! Egos aside I have lived with a family focused around getting a sibling better. Those who know me know their/our plight but when this happened to me I became the other ill one. Having had alot of people tell me how mental illness is just as debilitating as a physical one (teaching me to suck eggs really as i've lived with it since the age of 12) I had an odd reaction at first. Suddenly I felt worthy of the family focus and although my mum rushed to my bedside, I was then left wondering where all the others were! After a bit of a go they appeared, no mean feat I understand as they live on the rock that is Guernsey but no-one should have or need to shout their importance but I guess I've never had to so loudly. Anyway, this wasn't meant to go into detail, just to described the mixed emotions of having an physical trauma:
Angry
Upset
Disappointed
Gutted
Relieved
Stupid
Embarrassed
Pissed off
Important
High
Down
Honest
Flippant
Obvious
At times I've said things others can't say and at others I've said what people don't want to here. But I'm sure this is a side effect of being 'lucky'. This is not a word I like as you make your own luck in this world. It's actually a word my mum uses slot to describe me but then follows it with the luck is in having an outgoing personality!
When I wake up I have no idea where this blog entry will take me. Today has taken me in a direction I never knew would arise today but it's all good, "it's all gravy" as D would say. Lots of love lovely people.
It's all gravy!
Hbombot
"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens; not by what life brings us, but by what we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive events and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark, that creates extraordinary results".
She had watched and waited while others brought cards to be able to put the words in that described how I was doing. I've never been one to encourage negative thoughts. I have lived surrounded by familial depression from a young age and I think this made me try to be the other way. I have always enjoyed life and find people fascinating, if a little irritating at times! With age I have become less tolerant and as mum said yesterday sometimes a bit too honest. But this time with her had been ultimately bonding, she has told me more about my spirit and radiance than ever before. I told her she should be proud then that she made me! Egos aside I have lived with a family focused around getting a sibling better. Those who know me know their/our plight but when this happened to me I became the other ill one. Having had alot of people tell me how mental illness is just as debilitating as a physical one (teaching me to suck eggs really as i've lived with it since the age of 12) I had an odd reaction at first. Suddenly I felt worthy of the family focus and although my mum rushed to my bedside, I was then left wondering where all the others were! After a bit of a go they appeared, no mean feat I understand as they live on the rock that is Guernsey but no-one should have or need to shout their importance but I guess I've never had to so loudly. Anyway, this wasn't meant to go into detail, just to described the mixed emotions of having an physical trauma:
Angry
Upset
Disappointed
Gutted
Relieved
Stupid
Embarrassed
Pissed off
Important
High
Down
Honest
Flippant
Obvious
At times I've said things others can't say and at others I've said what people don't want to here. But I'm sure this is a side effect of being 'lucky'. This is not a word I like as you make your own luck in this world. It's actually a word my mum uses slot to describe me but then follows it with the luck is in having an outgoing personality!
When I wake up I have no idea where this blog entry will take me. Today has taken me in a direction I never knew would arise today but it's all good, "it's all gravy" as D would say. Lots of love lovely people.
It's all gravy!
Hbombot
Friday, 11 November 2011
The big reveal - my pic and my NHS story...
This is the first time i've wanted to share this picture with more than my friends and family. People coming to the door for the first time are met with this and as i'm so comfortable in it now I just get on with chatting to them. I can see in some eyes the staring at the chin as that's the part that's so restrictive but after a while it just moulds into me. I am the brace or the brace is me, whichever way i'm thankful for it keeping me upright, possibly so upright that i've added an inch to my height but atleast i'm not lying staring at the ceiling like I did for the first week.
When I look back on that week that is the reason I started this blog, so I could remember and get down the detail of those first few days. My shock at the NHS system and care having heard so much about it from others was only justified by their lack of consistency amongsts nurses plus having known the reputation of the hospital I was in it didn't bode well for what followed. Reading about a colleague on facebook who had complications after a pregnancy I could only sympathise with her husband who watched as the nurses complained about lack of doctors. If they're complaining who are we to have any faith? Unfortunately at the time I was going through the same and from which I learnt to be quick and concise with what I needed to know in the relatively short time they have at the end of your bed.
After my joke of 36 hours in A&E having taken 24 hours to tell me anything but my hand was broken I was asked if there was anything they could do for me (by some top orthapedic consultant who was asked by his junior doctor to explain my injuries as he was so embarrassed he'd gone the fiery colour of his hair). I can only imagine he was as shocked as those surrounding me that i'd walked a mile and even cycled a bit then got in a car to get home to then have 18 broken bones that he warranted bringing his boss along!
Yes I said there is something you can do:
1) You can tell those nurses to stop complaining about their jobs and bitching about how shit it is here 5 foot from my bed like I am a spectator in their front room, otherwise I am going to get out of this bed with a broken back and show them with my unbroke hand what moaning looks like!
2) You can teach them a lesson in non-verbal and verbal body language reading as I have been at the end of my bed with my feet hanging out the end unable to lift myself up, squirming and pulling faces of agony while they watch on.
and
3) I shouldn't be having to ask them when I am due regular pain relief. They should be administering that every 4 hours. I am on morphine when needed however I cannot remember or wish to how long ago I had the other drugs. Oh and while we're at it let's review the best medication I can be on now you know exactly what my diagnosis is.
I knew I could be harsh but obviously 24 hours of frustration coupled with inefficiency plus loosing my fierce independence wasn't going down too well. I could hear D chuckling the way he does when I complain in a restaurant for which i'm really not that picky...honest! It even riles me to tell that story but it's one that has to be told as I want this system to get better and I don't care if all that did was give those particular nurses and doctors a kick up the arse, but they moved like lightning after that and they couldn't have been morattentive. I don't care if they went home slagging me for calling them as atleast it planted a seed for them to do better, it's always given me a kick when someone's called me nonchalant.
So the story will continue but right now as I sit at this computer (I usually write from my phone but wanted to share this picture today) my ribs are burning through my chest.
I hope you take as much inspiration from this picture as others have and as much as this blog seems to be giving.
Enjoy your weekend and be safe.
Thursday, 10 November 2011
Taking your own advice...
A client just reminded of something I keep being brought back to...to take my own advice. It's a hard thing to do but as you hear yourself giving this great physical and even emotional advice, who ever takes it or can be subjective of themselves?
As a healthcare professional you would have thought your own judgement was spot on, but as most physios I work with say yourself is the hardest assessment you could ever make. We rarely take our own advice and this couldn't be more true being surrounded by head strong feisty women. You would have thought they take no rubbish but unfortunately they're usually the ones that get most walked over.
Why didn't I ring for an ambulance straight away?
Why did I try to kid myself that everything must be ok?
Why did I even move from the accident?
All these questions in hindsight are well and good but what happens instinctively isn't necessarily survival, but to preserve ourselves. As someone who works with their hands I have always lived in fear of doing anything to them. I fell off a treadmill that was put up too high for me years ago and I would rather of smashed my face than put my hands down! Apparently i did an impressive pike turn to protect my right side but to no avail as that's what I ended up smashing but even as I span through the air I panicked about having to cancel my clients the next day. When I could feel a break in my hand I thought the same and upon realising I had eighteen broken bones 36 hours later my diary was the first thing I asked for.
As someone self employed who values their business and livelihood I had no choice but to take the responsibility due to being a me, myself and I bandwagon. When you're not employed you are the only one in charge of your destiny, your money and you are ultimately responsible if the sh*t hits the fan so to speak! I would often complain when on bank holidays I was out of pocket whilst all my friends had a paid day off. What's that to me and my self employed friends - a day where you can't make money but you're still paying rent. It couldn't have got in the way more when earlier this year the royal wedding occurred. Don't get me wrong I had a fab day out drinking in a beer garden but you think differently when you're out spending money you could have been out earning. Business is a funny thing and I grew up watching my Dad who had a bookmakers walk around with a carrier bag full of cash. I used to walk behind him wondering if anyone else knew what lay in that bag of cash. Being from the relatively crime free island of Guernsey obviously at the time I didn't realise he was unlikely to be jumped upon and robbed of this hard earned cash but as a youngster I was kind of in awe of my Dad.
Having worked for small and large organisations for 10 years to then after retraining work for myself I felt suddenly comfortable, like I'd put on a pair of old slippers. It's only now I realise it's because when I walk round with the cash in my bag wondering if anyone knows it reminds me of my dad walking round with his.
Go forth and prosper!
Hbombotx
As a healthcare professional you would have thought your own judgement was spot on, but as most physios I work with say yourself is the hardest assessment you could ever make. We rarely take our own advice and this couldn't be more true being surrounded by head strong feisty women. You would have thought they take no rubbish but unfortunately they're usually the ones that get most walked over.
Why didn't I ring for an ambulance straight away?
Why did I try to kid myself that everything must be ok?
Why did I even move from the accident?
All these questions in hindsight are well and good but what happens instinctively isn't necessarily survival, but to preserve ourselves. As someone who works with their hands I have always lived in fear of doing anything to them. I fell off a treadmill that was put up too high for me years ago and I would rather of smashed my face than put my hands down! Apparently i did an impressive pike turn to protect my right side but to no avail as that's what I ended up smashing but even as I span through the air I panicked about having to cancel my clients the next day. When I could feel a break in my hand I thought the same and upon realising I had eighteen broken bones 36 hours later my diary was the first thing I asked for.
As someone self employed who values their business and livelihood I had no choice but to take the responsibility due to being a me, myself and I bandwagon. When you're not employed you are the only one in charge of your destiny, your money and you are ultimately responsible if the sh*t hits the fan so to speak! I would often complain when on bank holidays I was out of pocket whilst all my friends had a paid day off. What's that to me and my self employed friends - a day where you can't make money but you're still paying rent. It couldn't have got in the way more when earlier this year the royal wedding occurred. Don't get me wrong I had a fab day out drinking in a beer garden but you think differently when you're out spending money you could have been out earning. Business is a funny thing and I grew up watching my Dad who had a bookmakers walk around with a carrier bag full of cash. I used to walk behind him wondering if anyone else knew what lay in that bag of cash. Being from the relatively crime free island of Guernsey obviously at the time I didn't realise he was unlikely to be jumped upon and robbed of this hard earned cash but as a youngster I was kind of in awe of my Dad.
Having worked for small and large organisations for 10 years to then after retraining work for myself I felt suddenly comfortable, like I'd put on a pair of old slippers. It's only now I realise it's because when I walk round with the cash in my bag wondering if anyone knows it reminds me of my dad walking round with his.
Go forth and prosper!
Hbombotx
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
I can smell gas!
I woke up this morning to hearing D speaking through my earplugs. "The gas was slightly on so just be careful" and off he popped to work. Half an hour later I woke in a what if panic - if there was a fire and I can't move? Arthur would be in the flames and mum might not get to me! The imagination sometimes is not a favourable thing, going overtime and off on crazy tangents. So I got up and went about my day just so I'd stop thinking about such things. I mean there are only certain things you can control but unfortunately being reliant on others to get you into a support brace to be able to walk does send your brain into a what if spin. My only advice to myself or anyone in fact if that happens is get on with something else. If we all went into what if mode we'd never get anything done and live in a constant state of panic.
Lots of lovely visitors and calories to get inside my recovering bod so unlike myself it's short and sweet today.
Take care out there!
Hbombotx
Lots of lovely visitors and calories to get inside my recovering bod so unlike myself it's short and sweet today.
Take care out there!
Hbombotx
Tuesday, 8 November 2011
Sometimes it's too much to name and shame everyone who has helped me with my recovery. Some very old friends have come out the woodwork and lovely friendships been restored which is something that comes of being ill but is a thankful side effect.
One friend that has surpassed anything I could have imagined is my mate Khara. I don't usually use the word mate but she is someone I met from being a client. She has grown into a friend and someone who give great advice. In an hour she'll be here with a batch of soup and other delights to freeze in my new freezer bought since the accident to make life easier.
Not only did Khara's advice start a year and a half ago, well it wasn't advice we just got chatting as she'd met (!) a sports nutritionalist on twitter. She was working with fit naturally to make her performance in her upcoming Ironman as successful as possible. The nutrition was paramount and even though she found her relatively late in the process her recovery was then helped considerably after a storming performance I must say! Something filtered in as I lost half a stone then when I myself got friendly with fit naturally's fabulous founder Sally and went on to drop 2 more stone. Anyway all of this is just background information in the lead up to what Khara has done for me since my accident. In hospital she waited to be asked to come in but having become firm friends ofcourse I relished seeing her. She brought all the nutritional stuff I needed as well as comfort stuff like her boyfriend Steve's socks (I'm a size 9 but don't tell anyone I wear men's shoes!). We also learnt slot about food needed for bowel control as thinking bananas were great we were soon told they did the opposite to all our dried fruit concoctions!
Not only did she then take order by arranging my cupboards she did the kindest thing and having seen how I was struggling to organise people coming to see me, she took on what we laughingly called my PA role. Laughingly as I was in hospital so it wasn't as if I was doing much but suddenly the head stress was getting to me and she took that away. At last I slept just from giving away that little bit of control. Drugs in hospital tend to make your short term memory go out of control but also you get what my family call the chat. My mind was racing and mouth going ten to the dozen, repeating to D things that i'd already mentioned (sorry have I already mentioned that?! Ha ha).
Not only did this PA role mean Khara could drip feed me day by day schedules of visitors but it made us giggle and everyone else who was then directed to her. If people turned up who weren't supposed to be there there would be a sudden "have you not asked my PA" moment, how terribly important of me but essential nonetheless! It was from this moment our friendship changed, she had done something I will never ever forget and as much as I tried to explain I have never felt closer to such a kind, selfless person. I am really honoured to have such amazingly kind, thoughtful solid friends. Some are old and some relatively new friends but all of them have been equally appreciated. From Carla who made me ring the ambulance, to Sarah B who came to hospital even though they make her faint, to my buds Suzi & Kerrie & Lisa who came from afar, to my brother and sister coming from Guernsey, to Pf who reared his mush to feed me, to my Uk mum Ann who brought me a cuddly bear, to hotdog who made Halloween so special, to Sarah T who cried with me especially seeing me in the brace, to Frank who has seen the whole experience through, to Charlotte who's held my hand through it all, to Alexa who gave me news to focus on something happy, to Jess and Haley for loving me, to Rachel who I've now grown closer to and made a lovely friend from, to Grant who our friendship had only just begun, to Amy and Emma for being brave enough, to Sally Currie for popping up to say good on ya for keeping your chin up, to David for coming as soon as he found out, to my yoga teachers Liz & Nichi (& Ade) for bringing me hope, to the Mocketts for reconnecting and making it so normal for a child to hold my hand through the bars, to my dancers and Adam who have made me feel missed, to Ish for bringing in the party, to Kerry for thinking of my foot hygiene, to Sian & Sat for their humour and tales and to HD my blind lesbian friend for being by my side every other day with her gorgeous dog Tasmin aka Tampon.
Hopefully that covers everyone. This doesn't include the messages from afar and ofcourse the support from my amazing cousins and doting Aunt who has kept me feeling cherished. I have spoken of my continued appreciation D and Mum, although this reads like the finish of a book I thought it useful to get the thanks out the way as behind this seemingly positive brave person there's a well oiled support group for which I am eternally grateful.
All my love to you all
Hbombot
One friend that has surpassed anything I could have imagined is my mate Khara. I don't usually use the word mate but she is someone I met from being a client. She has grown into a friend and someone who give great advice. In an hour she'll be here with a batch of soup and other delights to freeze in my new freezer bought since the accident to make life easier.
Not only did Khara's advice start a year and a half ago, well it wasn't advice we just got chatting as she'd met (!) a sports nutritionalist on twitter. She was working with fit naturally to make her performance in her upcoming Ironman as successful as possible. The nutrition was paramount and even though she found her relatively late in the process her recovery was then helped considerably after a storming performance I must say! Something filtered in as I lost half a stone then when I myself got friendly with fit naturally's fabulous founder Sally and went on to drop 2 more stone. Anyway all of this is just background information in the lead up to what Khara has done for me since my accident. In hospital she waited to be asked to come in but having become firm friends ofcourse I relished seeing her. She brought all the nutritional stuff I needed as well as comfort stuff like her boyfriend Steve's socks (I'm a size 9 but don't tell anyone I wear men's shoes!). We also learnt slot about food needed for bowel control as thinking bananas were great we were soon told they did the opposite to all our dried fruit concoctions!
Not only did she then take order by arranging my cupboards she did the kindest thing and having seen how I was struggling to organise people coming to see me, she took on what we laughingly called my PA role. Laughingly as I was in hospital so it wasn't as if I was doing much but suddenly the head stress was getting to me and she took that away. At last I slept just from giving away that little bit of control. Drugs in hospital tend to make your short term memory go out of control but also you get what my family call the chat. My mind was racing and mouth going ten to the dozen, repeating to D things that i'd already mentioned (sorry have I already mentioned that?! Ha ha).
Not only did this PA role mean Khara could drip feed me day by day schedules of visitors but it made us giggle and everyone else who was then directed to her. If people turned up who weren't supposed to be there there would be a sudden "have you not asked my PA" moment, how terribly important of me but essential nonetheless! It was from this moment our friendship changed, she had done something I will never ever forget and as much as I tried to explain I have never felt closer to such a kind, selfless person. I am really honoured to have such amazingly kind, thoughtful solid friends. Some are old and some relatively new friends but all of them have been equally appreciated. From Carla who made me ring the ambulance, to Sarah B who came to hospital even though they make her faint, to my buds Suzi & Kerrie & Lisa who came from afar, to my brother and sister coming from Guernsey, to Pf who reared his mush to feed me, to my Uk mum Ann who brought me a cuddly bear, to hotdog who made Halloween so special, to Sarah T who cried with me especially seeing me in the brace, to Frank who has seen the whole experience through, to Charlotte who's held my hand through it all, to Alexa who gave me news to focus on something happy, to Jess and Haley for loving me, to Rachel who I've now grown closer to and made a lovely friend from, to Grant who our friendship had only just begun, to Amy and Emma for being brave enough, to Sally Currie for popping up to say good on ya for keeping your chin up, to David for coming as soon as he found out, to my yoga teachers Liz & Nichi (& Ade) for bringing me hope, to the Mocketts for reconnecting and making it so normal for a child to hold my hand through the bars, to my dancers and Adam who have made me feel missed, to Ish for bringing in the party, to Kerry for thinking of my foot hygiene, to Sian & Sat for their humour and tales and to HD my blind lesbian friend for being by my side every other day with her gorgeous dog Tasmin aka Tampon.
Hopefully that covers everyone. This doesn't include the messages from afar and ofcourse the support from my amazing cousins and doting Aunt who has kept me feeling cherished. I have spoken of my continued appreciation D and Mum, although this reads like the finish of a book I thought it useful to get the thanks out the way as behind this seemingly positive brave person there's a well oiled support group for which I am eternally grateful.
All my love to you all
Hbombot
Monday, 7 November 2011
How can sitting up straight be so exhausting?
Over the past few days I've been in the brace for longer and longer periods of time. When I first put it on I never imagined being in it 12 hours a day. They tell you these things at the beginning but they don't express the journey up to it. Looking back and remembering facts is sometimes quite difficult and that's really why I started this blog, so I could look back remembering how far i'd come. I used to see and hear about blogging. Why or how could anyone be so consumed by themselves to have to write about it? Now I know, this experience/life change/blip, whatever you want to call it seems worth writing about. I was going about my business and then BOOM, now i'm not. For that I think it's worthy of page space.
When Maddie was fitted I couldn't believe how uncomfortable the chin
rest was. It felt completely wrong compared to the
bodice which just sat perfectly holding me tight in a supportive manner. After a couple of goes I knew it wasn't right and as the Orthotist that fits them did it last thing on a Friday with alot of fighting with an Allen key I felt within my right to get it checked, even if it was to say it was right. Days later she came and agreed it was far too high so dropped it a couple of what felt like inches and replaced a chin support there was no room for before. At last it felt my own. To get some perspective on how long it's taken to build up I will look back on the past 2 and a half weeks in it:
Day 1: sat and stood up - world went dizzy
Day 2: sat, stood and walked to Doreen - unsteady weak legs, dizzy
Day 3: sat, stood and walked to corridor - fainted and dry wretched 10 times then messed pj's. Crappiest (!) day of my life since the accident.
Day 4: sat, stood, sat in chair for 10 mins with D - wretched when sitting back down
Day 5: sat, stood, walked to corridor then sat for 15 mins - first time seen my sister so cried but she said I looked far better than imagined. First to
I had seen myself since accident. 10 days with no mirror so took a photo and although I looked scrawny was happy how Maddie looked on.
Day 6: sat, stood, walked around then 35 mins in chair - major progress withstanding time
Day 7: sat, stood, walked around then 2 hrs including eating lunch - could barely open mouth
to eat but managed it
Day 8: sat, stood, wandered around then in and out a couple of times through the day
The rest is a bit of a blur! I never quite understood why I was sick but gravity and being horizontal for 5 days does strange unspeakable things to body and bowel!
Now it's 3 weeks since the accident and people having only seen me in bed
can't believe how much i'm up and about. To see it in their eyes is amazing and the delight at my progress not just for me for which I am obviously delighted but for them to have that reassurance is wonderful.
The road now may be long and less changeable but atleast I can look back to where I came from with pride.
At Uni we had a phrase "don't look back unless you drop your purse". I have always tried to live by this rule and look forward as I could dwell on detail of the
past til the cows come home. Today I make a choice not to, because I can control my head and it's the only thing certain at the moment...
Hbombotx
When Maddie was fitted I couldn't believe how uncomfortable the chin
rest was. It felt completely wrong compared to the
bodice which just sat perfectly holding me tight in a supportive manner. After a couple of goes I knew it wasn't right and as the Orthotist that fits them did it last thing on a Friday with alot of fighting with an Allen key I felt within my right to get it checked, even if it was to say it was right. Days later she came and agreed it was far too high so dropped it a couple of what felt like inches and replaced a chin support there was no room for before. At last it felt my own. To get some perspective on how long it's taken to build up I will look back on the past 2 and a half weeks in it:
Day 1: sat and stood up - world went dizzy
Day 2: sat, stood and walked to Doreen - unsteady weak legs, dizzy
Day 3: sat, stood and walked to corridor - fainted and dry wretched 10 times then messed pj's. Crappiest (!) day of my life since the accident.
Day 4: sat, stood, sat in chair for 10 mins with D - wretched when sitting back down
Day 5: sat, stood, walked to corridor then sat for 15 mins - first time seen my sister so cried but she said I looked far better than imagined. First to
I had seen myself since accident. 10 days with no mirror so took a photo and although I looked scrawny was happy how Maddie looked on.
Day 6: sat, stood, walked around then 35 mins in chair - major progress withstanding time
Day 7: sat, stood, walked around then 2 hrs including eating lunch - could barely open mouth
to eat but managed it
Day 8: sat, stood, wandered around then in and out a couple of times through the day
The rest is a bit of a blur! I never quite understood why I was sick but gravity and being horizontal for 5 days does strange unspeakable things to body and bowel!
Now it's 3 weeks since the accident and people having only seen me in bed
can't believe how much i'm up and about. To see it in their eyes is amazing and the delight at my progress not just for me for which I am obviously delighted but for them to have that reassurance is wonderful.
The road now may be long and less changeable but atleast I can look back to where I came from with pride.
At Uni we had a phrase "don't look back unless you drop your purse". I have always tried to live by this rule and look forward as I could dwell on detail of the
past til the cows come home. Today I make a choice not to, because I can control my head and it's the only thing certain at the moment...
Hbombotx
Sunday, 6 November 2011
Team effort
Through this whole process I have been fully aware and appreciative of the support around me. At first D was with me the whole time, joined by Mum the next day and that then just felt added to as the next fifty or so visitors descended. I have always loved people and had an eclectic mix of friends of all ages, personalities & interests. Just as an example I was cycling with a 64 year old guy during the accident and one of my closest friends is (she won't mind me saying) a partially sighted lesbian who has been in attendance with her guide dog every other day. I love being surrounded by these people and usually not at the same time. In everyday life I stagger who I see together for the sake of group dynamics. So I was obviously delighted when they were round my bedside exchanging numbers, arranging lifts and meeting up before visiting to help the blind lesbian up with the dog. My life revolves a bit like a soap opera and you just have to see that when a friend came for dinner the other night and D & Mum sat open mouthed as we gossiped about the folk in our lives!
What I underestimated I guess is others appreciation of not these people but the mania of what a group creates. Both D and Mum are relatively peaceful and keep a small close handful of friends. They like to get on with things quietly so to have my lot descend has obviously been enough to make them run for the hills! Don't get me wrong they've suffered the madness, the loudness and all the colourful characters but they'll remove themselves when needed or they can't be doing with it. What I have to remember is there are more people in this recovery process than just me. In order to get me up out of bed I have to rely on them, not something I am used to doing or give in to easily, but it's a fact. They have given their all to my care through love and Team Thompson works like a well oiled machine when it works. When it's bumbling along it's full of swearing at industrial Velcro and buying items to make my life easier in this contraption.
The humility of some people is endless and I will never forget the people who have shown me it, in whatever guise it had appeared.
Hbombot
Ps Happy Birthday to my dog Arthur who is 2 today. Apparently a dog wakes on its 2nd birthday and shows his true colours! Here we go then...
What I underestimated I guess is others appreciation of not these people but the mania of what a group creates. Both D and Mum are relatively peaceful and keep a small close handful of friends. They like to get on with things quietly so to have my lot descend has obviously been enough to make them run for the hills! Don't get me wrong they've suffered the madness, the loudness and all the colourful characters but they'll remove themselves when needed or they can't be doing with it. What I have to remember is there are more people in this recovery process than just me. In order to get me up out of bed I have to rely on them, not something I am used to doing or give in to easily, but it's a fact. They have given their all to my care through love and Team Thompson works like a well oiled machine when it works. When it's bumbling along it's full of swearing at industrial Velcro and buying items to make my life easier in this contraption.
The humility of some people is endless and I will never forget the people who have shown me it, in whatever guise it had appeared.
Hbombot
Ps Happy Birthday to my dog Arthur who is 2 today. Apparently a dog wakes on its 2nd birthday and shows his true colours! Here we go then...
Saturday, 5 November 2011
A day in the life of a back brace...
Maddie as my back brace has been affectionately named begins her day beside me on the floor. She is a large female with a front and back plate. Due to her complex job she also has a neck attachment to encompass being a cervical thoracic lumbar support. At 8am she begins her day by being put together using Velcro straps to piece together front and back around my torso and rods are then forced into the gaps of the chest plate then held down by circular clasps to Lee my chin in place. The whole contraption looks like a Madonna style bodice, hence the name Maddie.
After a couple of hours holding me up and together my ribs start to nack so Maddie needs a rest. Either D, mum or I then unfasten the 10 super strong Velcro straps and unclip the chest plate. We all have a different method and routine so although the goal is the same sometimes the getting there ranges from easy or infuriating!
When I am seeing visitors or wanting the loo (needs must) Maddie goes back on and so the day goes. The routine is coming together, it's less of a hastle and it's becoming more obvious as to whether she is on right or needs tweaking. Don't get me wrong some days it's a royal pain in the arse, she doesn't feel right and I can't be bothered as can't D and Mum. But I have to
remember she is holding me together and even though to strangers I can feel the pity, this is most apparent when I can see the delight in my friends eyes when I'm walking around. They never thought I'd get this far this quick and to honest nor did I!
After a couple of hours holding me up and together my ribs start to nack so Maddie needs a rest. Either D, mum or I then unfasten the 10 super strong Velcro straps and unclip the chest plate. We all have a different method and routine so although the goal is the same sometimes the getting there ranges from easy or infuriating!
When I am seeing visitors or wanting the loo (needs must) Maddie goes back on and so the day goes. The routine is coming together, it's less of a hastle and it's becoming more obvious as to whether she is on right or needs tweaking. Don't get me wrong some days it's a royal pain in the arse, she doesn't feel right and I can't be bothered as can't D and Mum. But I have to
remember she is holding me together and even though to strangers I can feel the pity, this is most apparent when I can see the delight in my friends eyes when I'm walking around. They never thought I'd get this far this quick and to honest nor did I!
Friday, 4 November 2011
The break your back (BYB) diet!
Since breaking my back, with all the trauma of the pain, being in hospital and loosing one's appetite my weight seemed to plummet. The main thing I noticed was the wastage in my legs. Being what has been referred to previously as a 'big' girl this was quite a strange feeling. Not only did they feel spindly but also weak. Weakness isn't something I'm used to having been a competitive swimmer, rower and enjoyed cycling of late (to be revised!).
Prior to the accident I had lost two stone through ideas from an amazing sports nutritionalist Sally Pinnegar who runs a company called Fit Naturally. I came across Sally through my mate Khara who is a massage client and an Ironman (woman really but they don't like to play on gender!). She lost a tremendous amount of body fat and subsequently weight in order to compete at what I can only really describe as fighting weight but others may say 'ideal' weight. Obviously many factors come into this and having always bordered on overweight for my height on those weight graphs or bmi charts I decided to do something about it. When I swam I was extremely conscious of my weight, not only because of living in Lycra but at 15 having blossomed physically so to speak my coach had a word with me. Probably words that have stayed with me for the rest of my life. No-one likes to hear it and some of you will cringe and want to slap her face when I say this but my coach having pulled me out the water tapped my obviously growing behind and said I had put on a bit too much round there! In athlete terms this is normal but as a 15 year old in lycra I then heard a blurred lecture about the Rosemary Conley diet and not having fat on my roast potatoes. Coming from a foodie family of 6 my attitude towards food changed from that minute and within weeks i'd lost a stone and a half. I remember people saying how fantastic I looked and the boys who had then started to rib me about my fat arse would say you must weigh like 8 stone. Being 5ft 10" in those days I was nowhere near but given that even my mum who had embarked on Rosemary's plan with me (there's a whole other mother/daughter eating disorder discussion right there!) put her fingers round my wrist and said that's enough I knew that was the lowest I was going. My main fear however, along with most the female population was putting the weight back on and that happened as soon as I stopped swimming at 18.
I had decided that it was my life. I was never deprived anything as I worked out that having a natural talent in sport meant you just go through the training motions and aswell as keeping my weight down I also loved the social side. Going away most weekends to Jersey or the mainland (for those of you reading and don't know I lived in Guernsey up to the age of 18) meant I was seeing the world and living life. But as a teenager who had begun to grow tired of a monotonous sport I was done. So with much resistance from family and my coach I stopped. I mean literally stopped! Going from training atleast an hour a day, a couple on weekend days my body went crazy. I can only liken it to those cartoons where the body parts go pop pop and suddenly my suppressed puberty sprung into boobs, hips and bum. Afters years of suppressing my weight it was out of control and I sunk into a bit of devastation. The doctor sent me for relaxation therapy. What I really needed was someone to tell me that I couldn't eat what I ate as an athlete. Maybe it's obvious but so many athletes bloat up like Kat Slater when they quit. It's simple as why would you fuel someone when they're not going to burn it off? It's only now 17 years later, having met Sally that I realise the consequences of fuel in vs fuel out. This was the simple way after years of stupid diets and a disbelief I'd ever see my fighting weight that had allowed me to believe again. Low and behold having followed some simple rules and yeh an extra 10lbs from eating lying down I am back to that place.
So even though there are no rules and this is my interpretation of how my body works loosing weight I'm going to share my simples:
Eat your carbs in the daytime meals unless exercising the next day
No fizzy or sugar free drinks (aspartame sticks fat to your fat cells) so drink high juice instead
30g cereal (oats are good soaked in milk) then add fruit to bulk up - this is a measly amount but you don't need that soup bowl full
Really it's that simple. I have had to re-educate D on what a carb is and he still doesn't understand when I ask for them knowing I will be exercising what that means! For alot of people eating a big meal in the evening is part of a routine, a culture and most of all about time. Breaking this and changing is the hardest part but once you realise all that energy is doing is fuelling you to go to bed you may appreciate why it sticks to your problem areas. Fuel your body to get through the day and you're half way there!
I'm not saying i'm now gods gift to a great body or that I don't have my hang ups. I will always hear those words unfortunately as all the females in my family carry junk in their trunk but atleast now I have a little less following me around and actually even in this Michelin suit that's keeping me together I have switched off the obsessing brain as there's so much else to focus on. One of those thongs is life and being happy surrounded by loved ones and positive amazing people. A friend of mine is partially sighted and has visited me every other day in hospital with her guide dog. She has always been an inspiration but now I hope I can be a little bit of that to someone out there.
Enjoy the present as the now is all we've got...
Hbombot
Prior to the accident I had lost two stone through ideas from an amazing sports nutritionalist Sally Pinnegar who runs a company called Fit Naturally. I came across Sally through my mate Khara who is a massage client and an Ironman (woman really but they don't like to play on gender!). She lost a tremendous amount of body fat and subsequently weight in order to compete at what I can only really describe as fighting weight but others may say 'ideal' weight. Obviously many factors come into this and having always bordered on overweight for my height on those weight graphs or bmi charts I decided to do something about it. When I swam I was extremely conscious of my weight, not only because of living in Lycra but at 15 having blossomed physically so to speak my coach had a word with me. Probably words that have stayed with me for the rest of my life. No-one likes to hear it and some of you will cringe and want to slap her face when I say this but my coach having pulled me out the water tapped my obviously growing behind and said I had put on a bit too much round there! In athlete terms this is normal but as a 15 year old in lycra I then heard a blurred lecture about the Rosemary Conley diet and not having fat on my roast potatoes. Coming from a foodie family of 6 my attitude towards food changed from that minute and within weeks i'd lost a stone and a half. I remember people saying how fantastic I looked and the boys who had then started to rib me about my fat arse would say you must weigh like 8 stone. Being 5ft 10" in those days I was nowhere near but given that even my mum who had embarked on Rosemary's plan with me (there's a whole other mother/daughter eating disorder discussion right there!) put her fingers round my wrist and said that's enough I knew that was the lowest I was going. My main fear however, along with most the female population was putting the weight back on and that happened as soon as I stopped swimming at 18.
I had decided that it was my life. I was never deprived anything as I worked out that having a natural talent in sport meant you just go through the training motions and aswell as keeping my weight down I also loved the social side. Going away most weekends to Jersey or the mainland (for those of you reading and don't know I lived in Guernsey up to the age of 18) meant I was seeing the world and living life. But as a teenager who had begun to grow tired of a monotonous sport I was done. So with much resistance from family and my coach I stopped. I mean literally stopped! Going from training atleast an hour a day, a couple on weekend days my body went crazy. I can only liken it to those cartoons where the body parts go pop pop and suddenly my suppressed puberty sprung into boobs, hips and bum. Afters years of suppressing my weight it was out of control and I sunk into a bit of devastation. The doctor sent me for relaxation therapy. What I really needed was someone to tell me that I couldn't eat what I ate as an athlete. Maybe it's obvious but so many athletes bloat up like Kat Slater when they quit. It's simple as why would you fuel someone when they're not going to burn it off? It's only now 17 years later, having met Sally that I realise the consequences of fuel in vs fuel out. This was the simple way after years of stupid diets and a disbelief I'd ever see my fighting weight that had allowed me to believe again. Low and behold having followed some simple rules and yeh an extra 10lbs from eating lying down I am back to that place.
So even though there are no rules and this is my interpretation of how my body works loosing weight I'm going to share my simples:
Eat your carbs in the daytime meals unless exercising the next day
No fizzy or sugar free drinks (aspartame sticks fat to your fat cells) so drink high juice instead
30g cereal (oats are good soaked in milk) then add fruit to bulk up - this is a measly amount but you don't need that soup bowl full
Really it's that simple. I have had to re-educate D on what a carb is and he still doesn't understand when I ask for them knowing I will be exercising what that means! For alot of people eating a big meal in the evening is part of a routine, a culture and most of all about time. Breaking this and changing is the hardest part but once you realise all that energy is doing is fuelling you to go to bed you may appreciate why it sticks to your problem areas. Fuel your body to get through the day and you're half way there!
I'm not saying i'm now gods gift to a great body or that I don't have my hang ups. I will always hear those words unfortunately as all the females in my family carry junk in their trunk but atleast now I have a little less following me around and actually even in this Michelin suit that's keeping me together I have switched off the obsessing brain as there's so much else to focus on. One of those thongs is life and being happy surrounded by loved ones and positive amazing people. A friend of mine is partially sighted and has visited me every other day in hospital with her guide dog. She has always been an inspiration but now I hope I can be a little bit of that to someone out there.
Enjoy the present as the now is all we've got...
Hbombot
Thursday, 3 November 2011
Hand saga and less finger action...
Yesterday I re-entered the hospital to join the normal folk having hand stuff done. Being the first time since exiting the hospital the day before I kind of felt in disguise. To be honest i did put a shirt over the main body of the brace then wrap a scarf round the neck part. This just allowed me to feel human again, for just a while anyway. Don't get me wrong I took back the scarf in Costa (it stops people moaning about their lives I find!) and when I checked in at reception just to get acknowledged. To hear that familiar "we're running about an hour late " was enough to have me running for the car. Upon D stressing my situation and letting them know that a cervical thoracic lumbar brace isn't to be sat down in for more than 20 minutes we got ourselves seated amongst the other hand cattle. "That's quite a contraption" was the first comment upon taking off my scarf! 15 minutes later after my ribs burning and needing the loo I rehastled reception with a dramatic clutching of said ribs (they did actually friggin kill). When I came out the loo there they were waiting for me. This then meant I had to let D know who was waiting patiently in a waiting room of ward 63, the ward he promised himself never to enter again having broken his finger in a rowing incident a few years ago. Due to entering the room from the other entrance I was suddenly faced with a sea of faces waiting to be called so I did what seems the only appropriate thing under the circumstances - jazz hands! Plus these were people remember I'd jumped the queue in front of so it seemed only right to do a little dance.
Unfortunately these places are kept at 100 degrees and having almost had 4 people faint at my bedside I felt the effects straight away. Not only did I then come face to face with my scarred hand but was sat side saddle on a dentists chair. I've become quite quick at acknowledging the first signs of fainting so when the sweat started beading we got that chair flat faster than Kerry Katona pops out kids and was fine again. Bish bash bosh occupational therapists moulded the splint, surgeon came round which is when I reminded him that after a Michael Buble concert he was disappointed to not get 'any' from the wife (the things you remember in surgery or what he thought I'd forget given the look on his face)and Physio did my exercises in quick succession. Out with a colourful splint, even though my ring and little finger were then immobile, within 45 minutes.
So hand done, back reversing into the back seat and off again
back home to see Mum who has come for the next 10 days. We are establishing a routine and who can get the least annoyed with the Velcro strapping of the brace. As D Jas already said he never wants to see Velcro after this!
Unfortunately these places are kept at 100 degrees and having almost had 4 people faint at my bedside I felt the effects straight away. Not only did I then come face to face with my scarred hand but was sat side saddle on a dentists chair. I've become quite quick at acknowledging the first signs of fainting so when the sweat started beading we got that chair flat faster than Kerry Katona pops out kids and was fine again. Bish bash bosh occupational therapists moulded the splint, surgeon came round which is when I reminded him that after a Michael Buble concert he was disappointed to not get 'any' from the wife (the things you remember in surgery or what he thought I'd forget given the look on his face)and Physio did my exercises in quick succession. Out with a colourful splint, even though my ring and little finger were then immobile, within 45 minutes.
So hand done, back reversing into the back seat and off again
back home to see Mum who has come for the next 10 days. We are establishing a routine and who can get the least annoyed with the Velcro strapping of the brace. As D Jas already said he never wants to see Velcro after this!
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
Back to normality?
I guess when lying in hospital dreaming of home you imagine yourself (even if you tell yourself otherwise) able bodied. Don't get me wrong I knew I wouldn't reach certain things like the washing machine but coming back from being institutionalised is like a massive reality check! Not only are you asking one person to do everything from picking stuff up to arranging cushions but you feel sort of less inclined when they aren't being paid to do so (#justsaying). This person or these people are doing it out of love but then that feels even more burdeonous. I will get used to this, it'll all be ok but just now it's taking some getting used to this lack of independence and reality check. 1, 2, 1, 2 can you hear me and does this quite make sense check check?!
My mum comes today to help D out. She hasn't seen me since day 4. Two weeks have passed and to see me up and walking I can only imagine will look like a minor miracle since those first few days of morphine and emotional let alone physical agony. I can't wait to see her and share the load. D must have put my brace on and off, off and on yesterday more times through indecision than comfort. I'm learning it's pretty impossible to eat in so I'm far better lying down. I'm far better stood or sat seeing our dog Arthur as he is bigger and chunkier than I remembered.
Today i have to go back to the hospital to get my hand bandage changed. To be in the public is tough having been cocooned with other patients and staff. It's hard being stared at and felt sorry for. Usually if I'm stared at it's due to a quirky outfit or coz I is purrrty but this takes alot of mental strength to ignore and to accept. But if anyone can find it deep in their spirit bionic woman can, my gran always told me I have spirit and there aren't many things my family would agree with her on but this is one!
My mum comes today to help D out. She hasn't seen me since day 4. Two weeks have passed and to see me up and walking I can only imagine will look like a minor miracle since those first few days of morphine and emotional let alone physical agony. I can't wait to see her and share the load. D must have put my brace on and off, off and on yesterday more times through indecision than comfort. I'm learning it's pretty impossible to eat in so I'm far better lying down. I'm far better stood or sat seeing our dog Arthur as he is bigger and chunkier than I remembered.
Today i have to go back to the hospital to get my hand bandage changed. To be in the public is tough having been cocooned with other patients and staff. It's hard being stared at and felt sorry for. Usually if I'm stared at it's due to a quirky outfit or coz I is purrrty but this takes alot of mental strength to ignore and to accept. But if anyone can find it deep in their spirit bionic woman can, my gran always told me I have spirit and there aren't many things my family would agree with her on but this is one!
Monday, 31 October 2011
Home time
My final day in hospital happens to be my boyfriend / fiancée's birthday. This isn't something he enjoys happening, he would best part of ignore it if he could but it's always been a day I like to make special for him. He always says I get more excited about his birthday than him but this is mainly because I think he's some kind of wonderful. To celebrate I am coming home for him to care for me, not something I'd wish on anyone but I like to think I've practised being a good patient. I know what lies ahead is tough and our relationship, as of that with my mum when she gets here will be tested and at times strained. But what tests you makes you stronger and I think this past 2 weeks have made me realise just how strong others can be in a crisis. I have nursed Dave through many a man flu, bad backs and twisted knees. In fact we were envisaging a knee op soon with 3 months of immobility with a possible future in a bungalow. How the tables have turned! But he makes a far less emotional and worried carer than I. I couldn't be in better hands and I need to keep reminding myself of this when times are tough. Asking for help has never come naturally and as a friend reminded me last night I need to learn when to say I'm not in the mood for company, also when I am!
So just department collaboration and communication to wait for...I could be here sometime! Usually having watched others stress over going it all finishes with meds early afternoon so I have a nice little Indian selection for lunch, then home for a chippy tea with my boys!
Til next time...au revoir NHS!
So just department collaboration and communication to wait for...I could be here sometime! Usually having watched others stress over going it all finishes with meds early afternoon so I have a nice little Indian selection for lunch, then home for a chippy tea with my boys!
Til next time...au revoir NHS!
Preparing for home...
Today is my last day in the hospital that for the last 2 weeks has been my home. At first i was desperate to get to my home comforts, privacy and the two boys I love most in the world - my unfazed husband to be and my dog Arthur! Every day he occupies my mind with walking him, feeding him, keeping him from escaping but my fragility at first made me pine for him whilst being fearful of how forceful he can be. Now I can't wait to see his silly face, his wagging tail beating everything in his wake and just being with him. I won't even say how much I want to be home for Dave as it'll make you sick!
Gone are the nerves of not being able to cope, these have been replaced with joy & excitement at what I have missed.
This has taught me so much about humanity, patience and how to get the most out of people (medical staff need charming too!). I will be traipsing home with a grabber for unreachable items, two loo toppers and ofcourse my trusty brace Maddie. She will help me walk again, a mere miracle in my book and a tool to help me back to life, back to reality (Soul II Soul I love you).
Gone are the nerves of not being able to cope, these have been replaced with joy & excitement at what I have missed.
This has taught me so much about humanity, patience and how to get the most out of people (medical staff need charming too!). I will be traipsing home with a grabber for unreachable items, two loo toppers and ofcourse my trusty brace Maddie. She will help me walk again, a mere miracle in my book and a tool to help me back to life, back to reality (Soul II Soul I love you).
Saturday, 29 October 2011
You're lucky not to get pneumonia and other interesting thoughts of hindsight!
As the light on my mobile lights up the hospital room I contemplate what a new nurse just complimented me on. I am used to the nice skin comment, the you're brave comment and even the gosh what haven't you broken comment. I guess the stuff you don't gear up for is the oh there's not many people with broken ribs who haven't had respiratory problems like pneumonia! Now I do actually believe you can only take in the information you're ready for at the time but jeez louise! I mean I've had health complications but they have been directly related to lying down for 2 weeks, not complications of previous injury. I think the natural reaction to being here is to get progressively better. Often that's not the case as some days your body doesn't wanna play the game you do. That's where I'm thoroughly interested in the link between the physical and mental / emotional.
Yesterday sitting having wandered the furthest I have since arrival I sat to have breakfast, something impossible to do without Maddie (the brace). To take my mind off things I text and reply to messages (something stupidly addictive but then it's hardly dangerous!) and one came through saying are the girls riding this morning? How the f*ck should I know I thought and candidly replied why are you asking me? Coz you said have a good ride and be safe! Oh yeh my bad as in my haste and laziness to make a generic message I told my PA (more of that later) to be safe on her bike. One thing that's totally understandable about being in a brace is the touchy nature and snapping honesty. Not only does it humble you to the things we all take for granted but makes you irritated by stupid things people say. I'm highly impatient with my mother and soon 10 days of her care descends but I must tell myself at this point to be patient and a good one at that. Thankfully even with clocks going back I get my meds at what would have been 6am. Bring on the new day and I can go from here!
Yesterday sitting having wandered the furthest I have since arrival I sat to have breakfast, something impossible to do without Maddie (the brace). To take my mind off things I text and reply to messages (something stupidly addictive but then it's hardly dangerous!) and one came through saying are the girls riding this morning? How the f*ck should I know I thought and candidly replied why are you asking me? Coz you said have a good ride and be safe! Oh yeh my bad as in my haste and laziness to make a generic message I told my PA (more of that later) to be safe on her bike. One thing that's totally understandable about being in a brace is the touchy nature and snapping honesty. Not only does it humble you to the things we all take for granted but makes you irritated by stupid things people say. I'm highly impatient with my mother and soon 10 days of her care descends but I must tell myself at this point to be patient and a good one at that. Thankfully even with clocks going back I get my meds at what would have been 6am. Bring on the new day and I can go from here!
On the road to recovery...via the bathroom
What better way to recall my journey so far than to start at the end of my time in hospital. Yes in three days time I am due to walk out the way I was stretchered in! For those of you reading my posts and now blog Hbombot (my Auntie Ros's name for me after seeing a pic of me in the brace I need to hold my back together and walk).
This morning after nearly 2 weeks the catheter has come out. A mixture of nerves and relief at not having to have soneone carry a piss bag round behind you or mind when being washed or wiped etc.
A goal that was talked about 6 days ago was to get to the loo unaided. It's not a long way but when you can't walk seems a million miles. This morning I got there and went unaided. For 3 minutes I was on my own for the first time since setting off on my bike. A strange mixture of independence and panic came over me that no-one was there to monitor me!
But walking back to the bed past the corridor I haven't seen down, just heard voices from I suddenly realised how far I'd come. It's all well and good hearing it from others but when you feel it and fall over it you did it.
What a bizarre contraption I'm in! But it's making me walk so who cares! Something we take so for granted is the human body - walking, moving, being...but never again, not after this!
This morning after nearly 2 weeks the catheter has come out. A mixture of nerves and relief at not having to have soneone carry a piss bag round behind you or mind when being washed or wiped etc.
A goal that was talked about 6 days ago was to get to the loo unaided. It's not a long way but when you can't walk seems a million miles. This morning I got there and went unaided. For 3 minutes I was on my own for the first time since setting off on my bike. A strange mixture of independence and panic came over me that no-one was there to monitor me!
But walking back to the bed past the corridor I haven't seen down, just heard voices from I suddenly realised how far I'd come. It's all well and good hearing it from others but when you feel it and fall over it you did it.
What a bizarre contraption I'm in! But it's making me walk so who cares! Something we take so for granted is the human body - walking, moving, being...but never again, not after this!
Friday, 28 October 2011
Falling out with Bert
Having written alot of Facebook posts about my recent mountain bike accident I Hsve concluded from feedback from others that I can articulate this experience pretty well, so here goes!
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