It's often the case when you look back after an accident you question everything. What you felt at the time, what you should have done and what happened around you. My memory of Frank's laugh (it must have looked impressive) is as clear as day, the pain I felt is off the scale but my stubbornness was too strong to give in to it. I have always been fascinated by how the psychological impacts on the physical, never more so than with an injury or an illness. A few weeks before I'd watched a programme about getting beyond pain with a lady breaking her lower leg then walking with no pain. Strangely the ballet company I work with cropped up as an example of dancing through pain and how used to it we get.
At the time I can only say I was experiencing ridiculous amounts of pain but now the swelling has gone down being able to feel my spine freaks me out. At night when the brace is off my back sinks into the mattress with every vertebrae. I know this should be seen as progress but all it does is remind me how each break feels as I will myself to sleep. Now the body settles down and I calm down mentally it feels slightly like I've done so with a bang. My excited state in hospital has come down to a bit of a lull, one where I wonder how fun I am to be around. But as if that's what people are coming for! Ever the entertainer in me has always wanted to be exciting to be around and I guess I don't feel in that place now. What I do feel though is I'm spending quality time with quality people and that's one thing I've learnt is how quality should be over quantity.
The other things I've learnt:
To give in to not being in control - of work, of food, of your bodily functions.
To accept help and ask for it.
To adapt and not get offended.
To give up wanting to get comfy as others look as it doesn't feel the
same in a plastic velcro brace.
To appreciate those that do not focusing out those that do not.
Accept the things you cannot change.
Hbombotx
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