Over the past few days I've been in the brace for longer and longer periods of time. When I first put it on I never imagined being in it 12 hours a day. They tell you these things at the beginning but they don't express the journey up to it. Looking back and remembering facts is sometimes quite difficult and that's really why I started this blog, so I could look back remembering how far i'd come. I used to see and hear about blogging. Why or how could anyone be so consumed by themselves to have to write about it? Now I know, this experience/life change/blip, whatever you want to call it seems worth writing about. I was going about my business and then BOOM, now i'm not. For that I think it's worthy of page space.
When Maddie was fitted I couldn't believe how uncomfortable the chin
rest was. It felt completely wrong compared to the
bodice which just sat perfectly holding me tight in a supportive manner. After a couple of goes I knew it wasn't right and as the Orthotist that fits them did it last thing on a Friday with alot of fighting with an Allen key I felt within my right to get it checked, even if it was to say it was right. Days later she came and agreed it was far too high so dropped it a couple of what felt like inches and replaced a chin support there was no room for before. At last it felt my own. To get some perspective on how long it's taken to build up I will look back on the past 2 and a half weeks in it:
Day 1: sat and stood up - world went dizzy
Day 2: sat, stood and walked to Doreen - unsteady weak legs, dizzy
Day 3: sat, stood and walked to corridor - fainted and dry wretched 10 times then messed pj's. Crappiest (!) day of my life since the accident.
Day 4: sat, stood, sat in chair for 10 mins with D - wretched when sitting back down
Day 5: sat, stood, walked to corridor then sat for 15 mins - first time seen my sister so cried but she said I looked far better than imagined. First to
I had seen myself since accident. 10 days with no mirror so took a photo and although I looked scrawny was happy how Maddie looked on.
Day 6: sat, stood, walked around then 35 mins in chair - major progress withstanding time
Day 7: sat, stood, walked around then 2 hrs including eating lunch - could barely open mouth
to eat but managed it
Day 8: sat, stood, wandered around then in and out a couple of times through the day
The rest is a bit of a blur! I never quite understood why I was sick but gravity and being horizontal for 5 days does strange unspeakable things to body and bowel!
Now it's 3 weeks since the accident and people having only seen me in bed
can't believe how much i'm up and about. To see it in their eyes is amazing and the delight at my progress not just for me for which I am obviously delighted but for them to have that reassurance is wonderful.
The road now may be long and less changeable but atleast I can look back to where I came from with pride.
At Uni we had a phrase "don't look back unless you drop your purse". I have always tried to live by this rule and look forward as I could dwell on detail of the
past til the cows come home. Today I make a choice not to, because I can control my head and it's the only thing certain at the moment...
Hbombotx
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