Following on from my wanting to slouch I found myself today feeling utterly fed up. I seemed to forget that I would have my usual monthly moodiness, belatedness and painfulness. I guess when you are either so ill or in so much pain this just takes over and you expect nothing else to get in your way. This is not usually a topic readily written about and the guys reading may be squirming their way through this but it happens and as much as us women may grumble about it it's still happening. I have always thought it gets in the way. When you're doing a six hour bike ride the last thing you want to worry about is how many friggin tampax you can carry in your leggings zip pocket!
Believe me those adverts with girls singing and jumping around don't quite cut it when you're muddy and wet through huffing and puffing in the Dales. It's certainly not how I felt on the day of the accident on the first day of menstrual cycle. What I did think though was there was no way I was letting anyone change it (to then go on to having a catheter put in then removed plus having suppositories put where the sun don't shine this would have been nothing!) along with knowing I had to change it on the point of impact (not great timing). But these things are either meant to test us or just part of a natural process us ladies have to go through. I know every month I get ratty, irritable, want to clean (I know!), clumsy and want to smack someone. Apparently this doesn't change when you are sitting stiff in a brace or lay flat in bed not able to get up even if emergency calls. People have told me I need to give in to this, I need to switch off from work as I'm unable to do it and relax a bit. What I never appreciated was not being in control, this is something
I most often am and although I wouldn't say I was freakishly so I like to know what's what,
where I'm at so to speak.
So I'm sorry if today I'm not full of positive happy feelings. Today I am flat like I get every month. Just coz I can't curl up and hide from the world makes me more vulnerable this time round doesn't make it not happen just as it was going to do anyway. So even though I am being sucked in so can't feel the bloating and appear ratty due to my predicament I hope it still means it's ok to smack someone, atleast give a girl that much:
Don't blame it on the sunshine
Don't blame it on the moonlight
Don't blame it on the good times
Don't blame it on the drugs!
Hbombotx