Whilst lying there wondering if i was ready to go home I realised that others were reflecting my journey. This came to me firstly as they were annoyingly chattering about sh*t. Those who watched my first few days will tell you how I rabbited on about absolutely nothing. My family have a history of this in hospital or in fact stressful times (don't not what sister Tannwen's excuse is, ha!). It wasn't til the diary was taken away that this died down and D said you're back to you again. I can't begin to imagine how irritating and worrying this was for those visiting. To me I was just excited about seeing my loved ones plus overwhelmed emotionally by what had happened.
It wasn't until my penultimate day that Cathy rocked up next to me. I had lived the past 2 weeks with a woman in the first stages of dementia asking me constantly the same question. For this I had multiple ways of saying the same thing about what time the next meal was or how she walked to the bathroom. Ashamedly I wasn't patient or caring as I was too involved and distressed at my current position. When Cathy came I felt a sense of relief as she had a neck brace on and for a few hours I was sympathetic and reassuring. Unfortunately her chatter was anxious and although it may have been what I displayed but hers being without humour! I lost patience after being distracted from the last few days that I was determined to enjoy. I may sound cruel and dismissive but your journey in a hospital is very personal, there's alot of drama around and some people become very important. I would have done anything for Doreen who used to get out of bed to bring me juice but this was different. I'm a great believer that some people just aren't your kind of people, yes I've been proved wrong but people give me a feeling and although D thinks it hilarious we all have an aura. I don't care if it's a colour or a personality surrounding the person, it just is.
So when my ballet dancers ask what colour they are today they have often already brought it into the room, however sometimes a colour isn't great or it depends on your experience of it. D was always brown, from the moment met he felt safe and to me brought solid unchangeable strength. It brings me comfort and that's ok as whatever works for an individual is like I've said before, all gravy.
So when you see someone chattering about all sorts it's not an irritating habit, usually it's reaction to a trauma. Now go tell all your friends you can't shut up...not sure how as that includes most my best friends!
Happy Mondays
Always the start of a new plan or an adventure.
Hbombotx
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