Back to moaning...

I have had a few comments recently from client's not wanting to moan about pain as they feel guilty in comparison. It's happened mostly with people with bad backs. But that's what i've always dealt with and somehow the empathic slant is one I take on easily. In fact I found out from a client's husband that she was so conscious of moaning she was reluctant to give him my number. We decided he should buy her a voucher!

Once people have seen me this seems to go away. From an external point of view I look absolutely fine and to be honest I feel it now. When I flew a few weeks ago the check in attendant greeted me with "i've put you in the emergency exit, you don't have any back or neck problems do you?". After dampening his smile by listing my previous breaks he cringingly placed me in an aisle seat (after almost high five'ing me!).

A client yesterday said "the thing is with pain is people can't see it so it's like it's not happening". Never a truer word was spoken and from the inside out is the hardest expression. There really does come a point where you and everyone around you is bored of hearing you moan about it. So what happens? Do we shut up about it, accept it or do something about it? Probably a combination of all three and on different days we take different approaches. Because every day IS different. The way we feel about ourselves, the world around us and other people. That is what makes us who we are and how we react to the challenges we're faced with. If you had told me a year ago that i'd have to spend three months in a fixed brace, not being able to bend, wash or feed myself I would have admitted that I wouldn't think i'd have coped. But I did because cope you do, because you go into survival mode and get through it.

Having been involved in the NHS I was asked to have my say by being a member of Leeds Community Healthcare Trust. By sharing my story I can appreciate others who have been through other things and how they were treated. It was a linking theme that continuity of care is paramount especially when dealing with matters concerning dignity. When you see different people from different departments, sectors, jobs etc, to repeat yourself takes the stuffing out of you. Sometimes how we feel is confusing and it's difficult to make sense of it especially when guilt, blame or shame is involved. For being able to express and share this I am grateful.   

Don't look back, look forward...

"There's no point looking back, look forward"...is what I told my dog this morning.

'When an animal senses danger, its adrenal system instructs it either to run from the danger, stand and fight, go numb, or decide all is safe and shake out those danger signals. Why can't we do that? Too many of us spend our lives treating children, spouses/partners, and sometimes even parents in ways that discourage the release of trauma and encourage the storing of it in the gut.' Noah Karrasch

But have you ever thought about a situation that just feels right? When you meet a partner for the first time, a prospective employer or even a client, sometimes it just clicks and you trust your gut instinct about that person.

Life is full of opportunity and many of us hold back seeing each opportunity as a threat, in fear of change and feeling sick to the stomach.

When you have a trauma in life things don't go back to the way they were exactly, they change and adapt. Often not just for physical reasons but something inside is searching to do something differently. Sometimes it's difficult to understand what learnings we can take from a negative situation but eventually the opportunity emerges without searching  and the letting go can continue.